I used to

I found something I'd written about her just six years ago

That I only cry in movies that remind me of her

That each time she was hurt or sick, it hurt and sickened me

How I panicked thinking she'd died in the last hour, every hour

How I thought my anxiety was dumb and stupid

Because it happened as she said she got sick again

How I thought no one deserves to be sad from my hurting

Not even me.

I took these parts and hit delete.